Jelousy, pain, and standing in places

~I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should…
…'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood~

Lately I have been feeling very green, and know not the sick kind, the emotion kind, you know, that horrible word JELOUSY!

but what am I jealous of and for what reason, that my friend… is a good question. Believe me there is quite a list and this may grow insanely intense, so this is your last chance to leave, it truly does not make sense to even me, the creator. But yet I am sure that even you my friend have felt some of these things.
I am jealous of that are prettier than me (and don't bother doing the whole 'but your beautiful' crap I am sick of it), of those that don't try but are always better than you, of those that when you think you are good at something or know something they don't, they top you, of those who, no matter how hard you try, are always better than you are.

I am envious of those who seem to have more fun and do more stuff with my friends and it makes me sad when I look and see that they know you better.
I am jealous when we like the same person, for I know that no matter what I do they have chosen you, you can laugh and talk with them, you have more in common with them. I am jealous because they look at me like I have the words freak or weirdo etched into my skin. I know I say I don't mind but deep down….
Could it be that I am jealous that you are so talented and all I can do is put words on paper and see if they make something cool, but even you do that better too.
Could it be that all this leads to m ore pain on my behalf, but I will keep it hidden, so to listen to what they say when I am not around.

But how can it truly be!?!?!?
That I am jealous of someone THAT DOES NOT EXIST!!!
CAN ANYONE TELL ME THAT…PLEASE WHY!?!

WHY DO I FEEL SO MUCH PAIN KNOWING THAT, THE PERSON WHO DOES NOT EXIST, COULD STAND…Exactly where I want to stand…
…and how can I not feel lonely when I look around and notice that someone is standing where I stood.