And so it begins...

As i woke,

i wished i had not spoke,

and hoped for a way to escape.

but there was no portal, no well, no train,

to take me away form it all,

there was no prince, or mysterious hero,

to wisk me away from this world.

And so it begins...

i stopped breathing as we drove in the gates

that to me seemed to loom over head.

like tall dark city gates,

of all my nighmares.

a storm seemed to riegn over head,

and i swear i heard thunder above us,

as i got out of the car, and walked around,

trying to put on a brave face.

And so it begins...

i found my classroom, saw my friends,

and it started to look up,
only to be pushed back down,

by thoughts of doubt and regret.

should i have chosen differently,

what should i have done,

my head spun and my legs shook,

and the heat stopped my from having any fun.

And so it begins...

now i feel this dread,

like i want to scream and cry,

and it won't go away,
no matter how i try.

 school well done,

you've made my day,

i tried to welcome grade 11 with open arms

but now i wish it would go away.

 And so it begins...

Going...Going...Almost Gone

The holidays...Like my title says are alomst gone...but i don't want them to...

I mean i would love to see all my friends at school...and meet new people and stuff. But. I. Just. Don't. Think. I. Am. Ready.

I am not ready for grade eleven...i just need a week or two more...to do all the stuff i suddenly have wanted to do in these last few day of the holidays...to just relax.
school seems daunting, like it is towering over me...trying to drag me into its walls. right now i had actully pictured some guys dreesed in black suits dragging me inside so giant walls...but i konw school is neither that bad or that exciting.

I am doing Drama, Biology, Chemistry, Ancient history, English, and Maths B this year. and it is maths B that scares me the most....i really don't want to do it...i have a feeling i will fail...i only just passed at the end of last year....

But grade eleven is coming.....

       .....and we have no way of stopping it.

Thoughts Alive

The lights were off the door was closed,

the darkness all around me.

I closed my eyes and rested my head,

hoping sleep would take me kindly.

Yes i tried to let sleep take me

 into a world i longed to see,

but something blocked my way, my mind,

asking quiestions with no answer.

It showed me pictures from today,

from what i'd see and watched

and it stoped on a particular one

that made me sigh alot.

Because i wanted to be there

for him to hold my hand,

but of couse he's not real,

so he....never...can.

Why do my thoughts do this to me,

why do they make me feel so bad?

This happens all the time,

its not like i want to be sad.

I don't want to be sad again,

to sit in the shadows alone

to fell the warm tears trail down my cheeks,

yes crying over fiction...its sad i know...

But tonight because i wanted tears,

there were no tears of mine,

becuase i cannot fly,

and scream my thoughts to the sky...

She <- insert sad face here.

She sits here,

She is alone,
Her hair is wet and it needs a comb.
She is tired,
the mirror told her it saw the bags under her eyes.
she was up reading
she didn't care about the time.

She woke up quiet
trying to remember her dream,
something about china
or so it would seem.


she skips breakfast,
reading some more,
then crawls to the computer
and turns facebook on.
1 notification,
not even about her.
1 person is on,
oh wait not anymore.



Her father and mother and brothers are gone,
what shall she do
the day is so long.
so she starts writing her book,
chapter 17.
where she talks to a boy
with messy black hair,
and lavender eyes,
all mysterious and dancing,
wait he said something,
now they are laughing.


as she clicks the 'save' and then the 'x'
she thinks about what to do now,
oh wait the phone starts to ring.
it is only her mother just checking on things
She tells her to clean,
with a big big please.
so she starts cleaning the kitchen
sighing away then the floors she is sweeping
sweeping away.

she watches some TV,
then switches it off,
then goes and has a shower,
to clean herself up.



later she starts singing
as loud as she can,
there is no one to stop her or tell her she's bad.
She sings letting her emotions run wild.
then stops looks out the window,
and sighs feeling bad.

so back to the computer she totters away
hoping there would be someone there to 'make her day'
but alas no one is on,
great yippee
so she reads some blogs,
and starts to fell weird.
a familiar sadness is back,

Oh no.
So now she sits here
writing this poem,
and inside is a sadness
that she has always known.

don't worry there no tears
it is all inside,
there is no rain falling from her eyes,
again she looks out the window,
out into the sun.
wishing for that world
where she can Escape and Run...

Clover...Happiness is piling up in this hand

This post is not about a plant…but a song…


CLOVER (English Version)

Hey, a continuation of the fairy tale, I wanted to know so far

It isn't over eternally

Happiness is piling up in this hand



Though the feeling that I wanted to understand is same sorrow

We whom in despair again, again and again are encircled

On a place with different accident and came across you



You gulped the words that sometimes, always

I think I want to believe the tenderness that I may not have said now



Hey, the next uneasiness forever after this

Is to lose something we already lost

Hey, a continuation of the fairy tale , I wanted to know so far

It isn't over eternally

Happiness is piling up in this hand is a sin passed down to that person



Even if it is yesterday when grief doesn't arrive, you should regain it today

The nieghbours seems to have you, always

sadness wishes the half doesn't have, I get separated all the time



Hey, though heres the days when I wanted it such

There isn't believe in us yet for tomorrow

Hey, a fairy tale leads to the back of happy ending

It isn't over eternally

The answer is one, one sin continuously dying into bareness



Hey, what I want to protect always

only this one heart

It isn't over eternally

Its looping around us



Hey, the next uneasiness forever after this

Is to lose something we already lost

Hey, a continuation of the fairy tale , I wanted to know so far

It isn't over eternally

Happiness is piling up in this hand is a sin passed down to that person.

Cherry Coke, Blinding Sun & Sore Feet.

What do you get when you combine 7 friends, masses of sugary foods, and the big bad world of the city?


Well I'll tell you. YOU GET ONE OF THE BEST DAYS EVER!!!

and it all started on a train.

So it is about 8:50am Friday morning and I am waiting at the train station with Xanthe and Mariah (who I had come to the train station with) Claire, and Esther. we all stand there patiently but somewhat awkwardly waiting for Adam and Holly to arrive. But we do not have to wait long, for suddenly they walk up past the train station gate to stand with us in a little huddle. in the following 5-10 minutes there was much catching up, ticket buying,

"I'll just have the same and everyone else."

and furiously bobbing along to Death Note theme music supplied by Holly...

I will skip forward in time as the train trip for me was quite boring (as I was sitting by myself), then we got goof at central and had a few death note moments.

Holly: "wouldn't it be cool if we touched one of these notebook, and then just saw ryuk standing in the corner."

Me:"yes all three of us could touch it at the same time."

Holly: "O.O what if there were three notebooks..."

then we got on another train headed to Southbank it was short, but it was a good chance for Adam and Myself to reminisce about old times with some NARUTO ABRIGED with all its 'generic random insults' intact. Next was one of the bets picnic I have ever had, we sat down eating tam-tam shapes and Esther's yummy biscuits, before hoping along the stretch of Southbank, make a quick detour in an old temple then squinting though the blinding sun as we walked to the museum. we had to take a lift to get up to the entrance, enter Holly, myself and Mariah's personalized elevator music, and everyone was starting to complain about the heat. but that all changed when we entered the museum, we could have spent the whole day in there chatting away, taking photos, hiding in a tree and deciding which sailor moon character suited us best.

then after more walking in blinding sunlight we made our way to somewhere selling food, that wasn't terribly over priced, again finding our cafe form the school excursion we had some lunch before stepping into the galleries of art. Many MANY photos were taken....but without flash, especially in the white room with the...Elk/ Deer, covered in glass balls, I swear I heard someone say that there was a real stuffed animal under the glass....EKKK O.O...

then after that we walked...and walk (my feet we killing me) trying to get to Queens street mall. after Much button Pushing, assistance giving, something about city cats and Taps, and strutting to songs up a bridge...we finally made it. there we were shown around by holly into many such music stores...and stores with a nice smell but an odd atmosphere.

"atmosphere..like clouds and stuff"

then as poor Xanthe's sickness depend we made our way to the train station. a quick stop at the lolly store was made, where cherry coke and many other exciting lollies were bought. then as we went to show our tickets to the train gate guy, I had stop and find mine leaving me out of sight from my comrades. xanthe found me and in the nick of time and then we were off on the train...but much to my feets disgust not on a comfy seat but either standing up holding onto bars or on the floor, iPod earphones shoved in our ears.

then as we arrived home...well to Burpengary station we all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways...

Blame me

Its okay blame me,

like you always do, those cold looks,

eyes burning,

trying to make me feel the guilt.

was it really me fault,

whos knows, who cares?

just blame me its easy,

don'r worry about my tears.

though i may be angry, i'll take all the blame,

just Please don't make me feel like Cinderella

LIKE YOU DID THE OTHER DAY.

please don't say  i can't go there,

if i don't do your bidding.

don't give me those looks that make me want to

BREAKDOWN AND SREAM.

i'll take all the llooks actions and all the fingers pionted at me,

and i'll hold them inside,

till i can run away.

to somewhere i feel safe,

and warm

and then i'll cry

till all the blame Begone...

Patch (Hush Hush)

Watching he sees you,

through darkening eyes.

He holds out his hand,

you take it, no time to ask why.

A dangerous smile he flashes your way,

should you trust him,

when something inside you says,

'quick run away'.

His face is so beautiful, so charming,
there must be a catch.

but your cheeks went bright red,

when he leaned in and said 'call me Patch'.

He scares you with his actions,

his deceit and his lies,

and what's with this past,

that he's trying to hide.

As he rode with you on that carnival ride,

you started to fall, you were going to die.

but you alive, who saved you was it him, can't be sure,

His life is like a mysterious door.

and what about that scar,

you saw on his back,

and upside down 'V'

all charcoal and black.

then one night you touched them,

those scars on his back,

and were thrown into

Patches memory bank.

then inside that memory

you learned what he was.

and why he did stuff,

that made you feel lost.

How he'd known all about you,

and how he'd taken your heart,

because he was an angel,

that had fallen into the dark.

She said he had to kill you,

that he needed you dead.

but Patch didn't want to

and kissed you instead.

A fallen angel....A forbidden Love.

This poem was inspired the one of the characters (patch) in the book Hush Hush, written by Becca Fitzpatrick.

Xbox & Anime : I want to be a runner!

lately my life has been situated around 2 things Anime and Xbox 360. at the moment my brains is running over various lines and moments from games and show such as

Assassins Creed

"the deed is done"

Mirrors edge
Run Faith....Run Fast."

"i don't care how you get off that rooftop just do it."

"My name is faith!...and I'm a runner."

Dragons age:origins
"for Ferelden!!!!!"

"I am a grey warden."

and Lovely complex. <
"Get together...Get together...Get together...Get together...Get together..."
"lets go buy some baked cuttle fish."


"Shut up midget"

"you stupid Amazon"

"You Idiot" *punches Otani in the face*

*starts to cry* "I'm through with Loving you."


So thats what going on inside my head.

Twenty Ten

Should i welcome this new year with open arms....
yes..
maybe it will be a fresh start, a new chance to be myself.
Or maybe it will trod along in a never ending circle.

But Who really knows what this year will bring.
but as i sit at my computer with a sore neck (what a great way to start the new year) i feel like i need to thank some of the greatest Friends i have ever had.

Mariah(Jai-Li)
goodness mariah, it seems like a day does not go by that we are not laughing, dancing or speaking in fake English accents. you are one of the best Friends i have ever had, and will have and i hope we are Friends till the end. All the times you have been there, writing songs, creating characters, and story dreaming with me, lets me know that i have found a real best friend for life.

Holly
From all those judgemental glazes and changing the world to crunching apples at 3 o'clock in the morning, Holly you just seems to make me feel happy and Free whenever i am around you. you are one of the brightest Friends i will ever have, and one of the only few who agree in how 'Dashing' anime guys can be. you really get that side of my, and i want to thank you for that.....and also i will try not to over blabber to much this year.

Olivia
though i haven't seen you much lately i always know you are there for me. we were Friends basically straight away, with that dreaded history project, and not matter how far apart we are i know we will stay friends always. all those guardian angles, bread making and bike rides to the Bakery to eat pies with knives and forks, they are all memories i will never forget.

Clarie
having someone to talk to and lean on, is one hing you always need in life....and Clarie you are one of those people. i can really talk to you and know that you will understand, and that is one of the greatest things about you, how you listen (mainly to my blabber. so thank you Clarie for listening.

hopefully this year will bring me new friends and new challenges, hopefully it is one of the best years of my life. but it will also have its fair share or tragedy's and pain, and it is Good to know that i have my friends to guide me.